Many years ago I picked up an acoustic guitar because I had something to say. The guitar was always a support for my voice and my words.
15 years later as a songwriter I felt like I was just approaching the edge of the real work, real honesty, and that was when I stopped creating to make an album.
Now with the record complete, feeling like its time to turn the page to the next chapter, I think I’ve been stressed and scared because I fear that the work I want to do I haven’t all of the tools for. Lacking those tools at my “age” ( what a ridiculous way of thinking btw) I psyched myself into fearing I would die before I ever attained the level of self expression I deeply desire.
I am in love with the magic moments in music. Those moments when I am lucky enough to connect with others seeking the same freedom of expression. There is no feeling more amazing than those moments when freedom seeking musicians and music become 1. There is trust and mutual support , shared vulnerability….it is better than as sex. I don’t say that lightly.
Recently I realized the only way to find that magic is to get out there and mingle more. hahah I just had a strange thought…maybe i need to make an app… Musical Tinder?? LOL think about it…. swipe right…”i wanna jam with you baby” LOL Anyway I think meeting the right people is best done face to face. Sometimes the person you least expect to have sparks with… suddenly sparks start flying. You never know when the magic will happen or with whom. I can tell you that it wont knock your closed door down. Lol I’ve tried that… it gets really quiet in there waiting alone for the doorbell to ring. So I’m out and about looking for musical friendships … waiting for the perfect combination when sparks start to fly and I’m looking in the wrong and the right places.. And i’ll keep looking because I know I’m gonna find that feeling and when I do I will follow that feeling. When that feeling happens I fall in love all over again.
The same way I fell in love again today…with this. My guitar. my electric guitar.. (something I rarely play, I have mostly played my acoustic for the past 15 years but that is going to change.)
I realized today, when I first started writing songs that some of my best songs were written when I first picked the instrument up. Before I really knew what I was doing with the instrument. I was teaching myself, I was making things up. I wasn’t afraid to make mistakes because there weren’t any. it was all play. To some extent, freedom of expression is a state of mind. You choose it, not only in relationship with others but in relationship with yourself. So I’m spending more time playing, and enjoying it very much. But I won’t do like I did for the past 15 years. I don’t want music to stay a solitary experience.
So while I’m out searching for that perfect combination, and enjoying musical relationships along the way, I’m going to continue enjoy adding more tools to my tool box aka more musical colors in my musical crayon box.
So today I spent a few hours playing around with cool jazzy chord voicing and new ways of muting and foreign rhythms and I had FUN. I even played around a little with melodies on the guitar rather than singing them something I never do. Much more of this and someday I can call myself a guitar player.
The loop pedal I’ve had for over a year that has been collecting dust is starting to look really attractive.